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She walked as briskly as she could into the gently crashing waves.  The waves compelled her to drag her feet and she reflected briefly how it represented the tug at her heart that made her doubt her determined stride; the tug, caused by the little girl screaming loudly from the shores for her mother.  “Mai, Mai”, relentless the screams went as she pretended desperately not to hear them.  She knew that to any onlookers, she must look heartless and shameless.  She felt the eyes of middle-aged women piercing at her back for ignoring the child’s screams.  For a moment, she hesitated, she felt that she couldn’t move any further, that the waves were conspiring to make her stop.  She was scared, scared of what would happen if she continued, she felt paralyzed.

Then she thought, the screams of her daughter were not a cry for help, she knew exactly how that felt like, this was different.  All the child wanted to was to stop her from moving further, further into the arms of the man who swimming with the waves and waited for her deeper in the surf.  Her daughter was accustomed to be the center of attention of her mother.  She didn’t like having to share her mother with someone new.  She can handle being alone on the beach for a little while, it is safe there’, she told herself repeatedly thinking about the child.   She really wanted to take this time for herself, enjoy the feel of the salty warm water on her skin, wanted to bounce with the waves, scream like a child with peals of laughter and above all, wanted to be close to a strong male body that desired her.  It’s been so long, she thought, since any man has even looked at me appreciatively let alone touch me.  She couldn’t remember how it felt like to be held in someone else’s arms, someone stronger than herself, someone who’s embrace was comforting her rather than the other way round.

I am a good mother and have been one, she told herself, trying to make her paralyzed limbs move. She concentrated on the sound of the waves and plodded on into the surf.  Each step seemed to take forever but finally she was there, she looked up the man smiling at her and she felt her heart feeling lighter, less constricted.  She felt a return smile forming at her lips but suddenly, she couldn’t hear any more screams from the child and she looked back with alarm.  The child was playing with another young girl, happily squealing and jumping with the crashing waves.  .